I want to talk about the little things… You know, the little things that creep into your mind every now and then, right before you shoo them away, until it pops back up a while later? The little things that make interesting small talk and also some of the most preposterous discussions. Here are a few that have crossed my mind in the last few days.
1 ) When you are talking 1-on-1 with someone, how exactly do you make eye contact? Do you stare into the left eye or the right??
Cause it’s not possible to look at both! If I have just ruined your life by making you conscious of this fact, I apologize (you may never again have a solo talk with someone without going fanatic midway). I’ve quibbled long over this and the matter is still up for debates.
2 ) If Jesus died and rose back from the death, all immortal and invulnerable, doesn’t that make him a zombie?
Dictionary.com defines a “zombie” as ‘a dead body that has been brought back to life by a supernatural force’. Sounds like Jesus to me! I’m not asking you to shoot his head off, mutilate him or send Alice after his sorry ass….. I’m only suggesting that it ain’t such a bad idea!
3 ) Why do so many guys with superpowers crib about wanting to be “normal”?!?!
Bunch of ungrateful deadbeat no-gooders! If I had super strength, a 6th sense, an uncanny knack of growing 6-pack abs overnight and the liberty to proudly swing across the city in tights, bad grades would be the least of my worries.
4 ) Why can’t we ever get the time at the first glance at our watch?
Is it only me or does everyone suffer from this sort of acute attention disorder? I glance at my watch, look up, wonder what the time is…. NO IDEA!
It may have something to do with the fact that I’m just trying to show the girl across the bench that I am busy and looking forward to something important, but surely grasping the time from a digital watch cannot be that tough?!
5 ) Does looking at a kid and thinking “She’s gonna be hot when she grows up..” count as pedophilia?
Umm… I rather not elaborate on this for fear of incarceration.
6 ) If you understood Morse code, wouldn’t tap dancers drive you nuts?
I don’t know about you but I’m pretty sure I’d be all “AAARRGGHHH!!!! I don’t get what you’re saying!!” Its gotta be either tap dancers or Morse code. You can’t have both in your life and stay a sane man.
7 ) Why is it possible for girls to act like boys and look cool but never vice versa?
In that context, why is it alright when girls dance together, hold hands or perform any activity that would be even unthinkable for boys, for fear of being tagged homosexual in a very no-kidding-you’re-a-fag kind of way? I long to see the day when girls would ask guys out as often as it happens the other way around, and guys could wear pink without being judged. That’s right, I’m a sucker for equality!
8 ) How come the expression “slim chance” means the same as “fat chance”?
This silly language has people going berserk! You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible!! AAARRGGHHHH!
9 ) Of the people who watched Donnie Darko, can anyone honestly say that he/she knows what the fuck happened?!
Come on, be honest! You can seriously make sense of all that? And don’t you dare go all “artsy” on me! I understand that the movie isn’t for everybody. But it shocks me that every other action-flick-addicted-booty-loving-idiot tells me what an awesome movie it is. Surely, my artistic quotient can’t be THAT low!
10) Why is the cockpit called so?
Don’t want to get into the specifics since the question is kind of self explanatory… but interesting food for thought. Maybe it’s because that’s where all the action is! Or is it that only guys hang out in that area of the plane?
Let me know what you think.