C&H New Yrs resolution

It’s that time of the year when every person who’s ever made shitty decisions in the last year decides to start with a “clean slate” and “do better”. I figured I might take this chance to claw my way back into the world of blogging with a list of simple yet procrastination-friendly tasks that I hope to get by in these coming 365 days of ridiculously cranked up awesomeness. So here are 11 goals from the top of my head (That’s a lie. I spent hours coming up with these.) that I’ll try to nail, and hopefully make a part of my daily life.

1) Say less of “not bad” and more of “good”
Not Bad

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2) No Bieber and Twilight bashing

Bieber vs Twilight

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3) Hug one new person every month

Creep Hug Alert

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4) Speak to co-passengers in flights

Flight Passengers

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5) Cook (a real full-fledged meal) at least once a month

Cooking Disaster

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6) Save “awesome” for things that truly deserve it

Awesome

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7) Drink when you want to, not when you have to

Drinking

 

 

 

 

 

 

8) Save less, travel more

Travel

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9) Read at least 1 book per 2 months

Reading

 

 

 

 

 

10) Complete a triathlon and live to talk about it

Triathlon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

11) Publish a new blog post per 4 months

Blogging

 

 

 

 

 

 

So that’s my list of not-so-ambitious-yet-prone-to-failure goals for this year.
Cheers to resolving the shit out of 2013!

Just last night an incident occurred which left me lost in my thoughts, long after it was over. I figured I might not be the only one with such thoughts and feel it’s share-worthy.

While returning from a local grocery store, I noticed a man close to my dad’s age walking down the road that I was crossing. The road was quite a desolate one with a couple of lights illuminating a long stretch. What grabbed my attention was another man, shabbily dressed and dragging himself along the road, who was apparently hinting at needing some money from the former person. This might be a common sight in our country but the “beggar” here was 6 foot tall and did not look weak/needy at all. The elder person was evidently freaked out and decided to walk away briskly. The “beggar” followed with a determined pace. This made my heart skip a beat. Any sane person in this situation could extrapolate the chain of events and realize where it was heading. I stopped the bike and kept my eyes peeled at the duo till I could see them no more. The scene was that of an elderly gentleman in a formal attire (what I guess could be called an “easy catch” in this situation) brisk walking away from what looked like a determined stalker with malice on his mind. I stayed immobile in that lonely dark spot for 10 seconds before turning my bike around and heading towards the potential scene of disaster. I had no idea what I was going to do. My mind was blank. Zero thoughts. Zilch. Nil.

After taking the turn, it took a moment to spot the person but I was glad to see that he had managed to reach a well lit spot with people around. The follower was nowhere to be seen. Although the condition seemed to have been normalized, the adrenaline was still pumping in my blood and it was only now that I really felt the fear. If the situation had turned for the worst, would I have had the courage to step up and put myself in line to protect the victim? Or would I have just witnessed the tragedy as a passive observer, too terrified by the possibility of endangering myself? I honestly have no idea, but I wish I could have found out.

As one of the tracks by The Mighty Mighty Bosstones goes
I’m not a coward,
I’ve just never been tested
I’d like to think that if I was,
I would pass.

We hear of such incidents all the time. But I wonder how many of us could actually be strong enough to step up when needed. A man being mugged, woman being abused, weakling being beat up… would you be one of the few who’d move in to help or just another face in the crowd that looks at the show and walks away shaking his/her head? I don’t know if I would fail or pass the test, but I wish I could find out…

I want to talk about the little things… You know, the little things that creep into your mind every now and then, right before you shoo them away, until it pops back up a while later? The little things that make interesting small talk and also some of the most preposterous discussions. Here are a few that have crossed my mind in the last few days.

1 ) When you are talking 1-on-1 with someone, how exactly do you make eye contact? Do you stare into the left eye or the right??

Cause it’s not possible to look at both! If I have just ruined your life by making you conscious of this fact, I apologize (you may never again have a solo talk with someone without going fanatic midway). I’ve quibbled long over this and the matter is still up for debates.

2 ) If Jesus died and rose back from the death, all immortal and invulnerable, doesn’t that make him a zombie?

Dictionary.com defines a “zombie” as ‘a dead body that has been brought back to life by a supernatural force’. Sounds like Jesus to me! I’m not asking you to shoot his head off, mutilate him or send Alice after his sorry ass….. I’m only suggesting that it ain’t such a bad idea! ;)

3 ) Why do so many guys with superpowers crib about wanting to be “normal”?!?!

Bunch of ungrateful deadbeat no-gooders! If I had super strength, a 6th sense, an uncanny knack of growing 6-pack abs overnight and the liberty to proudly swing across the city in tights, bad grades would be the least of my worries.

4 ) Why can’t we ever get the time at the first glance at our watch?

Is it only me or does everyone suffer from this sort of acute attention disorder? I glance at my watch, look up, wonder what the time is…. NO IDEA!
It may have something to do with the fact that I’m just trying to show the girl across the bench that I am busy and looking forward to something important, but surely grasping the time from a digital watch cannot be that tough?!

5 ) Does looking at a kid and thinking “She’s gonna be hot when she grows up..” count as pedophilia?

Umm… I rather not elaborate on this for fear of incarceration.

6 ) If you understood Morse code, wouldn’t tap dancers drive you nuts?

I don’t know about you but I’m pretty sure I’d be all “AAARRGGHHH!!!! I don’t get what you’re saying!!” Its gotta be either tap dancers or Morse code. You can’t have both in your life and stay a sane man.

7 ) Why is it possible for girls to act like boys and look cool but never vice versa?

In that context, why is it alright when girls dance together, hold hands or perform any activity that would be even unthinkable for boys, for fear of being tagged homosexual in a very no-kidding-you’re-a-fag kind of way? I long to see the day when girls would ask guys out as often as it happens the other way around, and guys could wear pink without being judged. That’s right, I’m a sucker for equality!

8 ) How come the expression “slim chance” means the same as “fat chance”?

This silly language has people going berserk! You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible!! AAARRGGHHHH!

9 ) Of the people who watched Donnie Darko, can anyone honestly say that he/she knows what the fuck happened?!

Come on, be honest! You can seriously make sense of all that? And don’t you dare go all “artsy” on me! I understand that the movie isn’t for everybody. But it shocks me that every other action-flick-addicted-booty-loving-idiot tells me what an awesome movie it is. Surely, my artistic quotient can’t be THAT low!

10) Why is the cockpit called so?

Don’t want to get into the specifics since the question is kind of self explanatory… but interesting food for thought. Maybe it’s because that’s where all the action is! Or is it that only guys hang out in that area of the plane?

Let me know what you think.

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat that doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me,
And I shall spend my pension
on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals,
and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired,
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells,
And run my stick along the public railings,
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people’s gardens,
And learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat,
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go,
Or only bread and pickle for a week,
And hoard pens and pencils and beer mats
and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry,
And pay our rent and not swear in the street,
And set a good example for the children.
We will have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me
are not too shocked and surprised,
When suddenly I am old
and start to wear purple!

(‘Warning’ by Jenny Joseph)

I encounter, a little too often, people who wish to remain young forever. Those who wish to live the “best” part of their lives forever and ever. But how can something stay valuable if it’s available in such abundance? Isn’t it the very fact that the best is available in bits and pieces that makes it so precious? Surely there’s something that the lunatic inside you fancies.

I don’t have any qualms about aging. But what freaks me out is growing up.

I have been told by many, on a number of occasions, that I often act immature/crazy/childish/stupid/juvenile. Some have been in a positive light but most….well, not so positive. Others may perceive this in their own way, but I honestly consider this a compliment. Can you imagine not being able to enjoy the little things in life? The slapstick humour you throw around to keep the mood light and goofy? Or the crazy idiotic things you go through to get that satisfied grin on your face!

That's what I'm talking about!

Shaving my chest hair to form an “F” (a hairy one) and flaunt it, getting drunk and swimming in the college pool at 3 in the morning, sporting a new “radical” look, borrowing the carpenter’s power drill for a little “me-time”, screaming in a church, painting/scribbling random thoughts on your clean wall, walking 6-7 km back home as a result of lethargy to hitch a cab, playing superhero in my head while waiting for an interview, driving an hour to the airport with friends at 3 A.M to find the only open coffee place around with a good ambiance, getting caught in college with a stash of booze and bribing the authorities with the same booze, standing by your friends when your chances of saving a black eye looks really bleak, breaking a brand new guitar to know how it feels to be a rockstar & so on & so forth……..

Umm...Trendy makeover?

Hallowed be thy name, BIATCH!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My friends say that we’ll look back at our endeavours many years down the line and think of the old times. But that’s not nearly good enough! I say we should look back at them and try to top them! Granted, we may not be capable of similar feats then, but I wish I could be foolish enough to try.

Is it so wrong to want to be incarcerated just for the sake of experience? Or to walk up to a stranger on the street and tell them how lovely they look? I intend no malice. I only wish to enjoy the one shot I have at life. When was the last time you pulled off some random shit just for the heck of it? A prank call, a run in the rain, a bite of something inedible, whatever… Don’t take life, or yourself, too seriously. Shit happens. Deal with it. Move on. More shit will happen.

You don't say!

My Bucket List

Posted: December 25, 2010 in Everyday stuff, Misc
Tags: , , , ,

I think it’s about time I created a bucket list. A list of activities I must accomplish before I kick the bucket, in order to know and be content that I have done all the things that I have wanted to, in my little life. Ever feel your days are passing by without any tangible output to speak of? Look at the things you did and the things you’re planning to do next – Do they mean anything to you if you are to die today?

I have been compiling this list for quite some time now, and I believe I now have enough things to have a long enough to-do list. I shall update this page as and when I need to, for varying reasons like completing a task (will strike out the task as I do so), finding a task to be impractical (will remove it from the list in such an event) or finding a new one to add. The sole reason for me to publish this list on my blog is to motivate myself (and maybe others) to get out of my comfort zone and experience something I may be able to look back at, say 10 years from then, and tell an amazing story.

So here goes (the order of the tasks is not important) :

1) Fly in a hot-air balloon across a country

2) Learn wine appreciation [Feb 2013 - Santiago, Chile]

3) Complete a solo sky dive

4) Climb a 5000m mountain

5) Run a marathon

6) Fly in a fighter jet

7) Bungee jump from the world’s highest tower

8) Be a certified paraglider [Dec 2010 - Kamshet, India]

9) Be a certified scuba diver [Sep 2012 - Gili Trawangan, Indonesia]

10) Take my parents on an extravagant vacation abroad

11) Stay awake for 72 hours straight

12) Travel into space

13) Learn how to sail

14) Speak to an audience of hundreds (or possibly thousands) of people

15) Appear on television [Jan 2008 - Kharagpur, India] (was featured on a local television as part of a feature on the campus placements of my college)

16) Dress up in a costume party [April 2011 - Kharagpur, India]

17) Travel to Antarctica

18) Get a tattoo [June 2010 - Shanghai, China]

19) Trek through a rainforest

20) Build a tree house and live a day in it

21) Learn to operate firearms

22) Learn at least two forms of dancing

23) Complete a triathlon [Apr 2013 - Perth, Australia]

24) Bury a time capsule with key memoirs in a secret location,and open it after 10 years

25) Get arrested

26) Drive a Formula One car

27) Play the guitar live, to an audience

28) Walk into a store, break something expensive intentionally and pay for it

29) Ask 10 complete strangers (girls), on the same day, out for a date

30) Drive on the German autobahn at 200kmph

31) Witness Halley’s Comet in 2061

32) Tell kids they’re adopted, and record their reaction

33) Own a Cafe

34) Do a wingsuit flight

The Chicken or The Egg??

Posted: November 3, 2010 in Misc
Tags: , , , ,

I’m sick and tired of hearing this question over and over again. If you ask me (which you probably won’t, but that won’t stop me), the answer lies within a simple question:

Are you a creationist or an evolutionist?

Yup, the answers are different based on what theory you believe in. If you think that’s blasphemy and that this riddle is not one to be solved, a simple analysis may make you think otherwise…

Let’s be pragmatic and think of how the chicken/egg came to be. If we back up a bit and imagine a world without the chicken/egg, a time where a more primitive form of the animal existed, we might be assisted in getting an insight to the problem. Suppose it is the animal X that led to the birth of the chicken. Since X is the immediate predecessor of the chicken, it would be safe to assume that it follows similar ways of reproduction as the chicken and hence, lays eggs. What’s vital now is to identify the point in time where the chicken/chicken egg originates. Notice that I shall now refer to the egg as chicken egg since we are now dealing with X as well.

This is where the tricky part comes in. The ambiguity arises in figuring out if the animal X turns to chicken first or the egg that it lays turns to chicken egg first.

1) EVOLUTIONISM

This is what I stick by. An animal does not transform into something else during its own lifetime. It does so over a period of time through evolution. So you can only say a new species has been originated (a very fine line to distinctly claim that) when the egg laid by its predecessor has been altered enough to give birth to the new species, say a chicken! This would suggest that X lays a chicken egg at some point in evolution which leads to the chicken. Hence, the answer is THE EGG!

2) CREATIONISM

This would suggest that the egg that X lays must ALWAYS be an X egg and that the only way for a chicken to come up would be for X to turn *POOF* into a chicken abruptly! It’s only from this point on that the eggs would be chicken eggs. So, from this perspective, THE CHICKEN came first. I know it’s not too convincing, but hey! Tell that to the child molesters!!

So there you go. One of life’s greatest mysteries solved and laid out before you.. YOU’RE WELCOME!

Welcome to the age of stupid. Tough things are getting easier and the easy stuff doesn’t even need to be done anymore. Sparkly vampires wrapped in flour are considered bad-ass and “reality shows” that hook celebrities to safety gear and calls them daring are considered cool. Paris Hilton’s dog rivals Obama in publicity. The average 15- to 24-year-old now spends about 8 minutes reading each day and anyone without an Ipod is considered from the stone age.

Omegle is one site that lets you talk to random strangers while staying anonymous. A good way to kill some time at others’ expense. I had a go at it a few times and the chat below is one of the examples of the kind of people you can meet. We tend to hang around sane people like ourselves but if we look at the whole world, its mind boggling to see how many people are way over the line of being called not-so-smart.

I was reading a few blogs about instances that made me want to just facepalm and go AAAAA!. There’s the mother who insists her child get a pair of glasses that are much too big for him, because he will “grow into them”, courses for people who are not smart enough to use their smartphones, a gay rights protestor holding up a sign that says “Homosexuals are Gay” & of course, GOD! (Didn’t think I’d leave out the best selling fictional character of all times, did you?!)

So often I’ve read how people blame the new age technologies or the internet for being the cause of the stupid era. I beg to differ. The world we live in is a global one. We now have the resources to limitless knowledge. Wether you use it to access porn or discovery, that’s upto you! We are force fed large doses of shows that promote mediocracy. Leave me alone you incompetent idiots. You’re killing my gray cells!! I didn’t really want to make this post regarding my take on why ‘Generation Y’ seems to be getting dumber by the day, so gonna leave you to think it over….