Posts Tagged ‘humor’

I want to talk about the little things… You know, the little things that creep into your mind every now and then, right before you shoo them away, until it pops back up a while later? The little things that make interesting small talk and also some of the most preposterous discussions. Here are a few that have crossed my mind in the last few days.

1 ) When you are talking 1-on-1 with someone, how exactly do you make eye contact? Do you stare into the left eye or the right??

Cause it’s not possible to look at both! If I have just ruined your life by making you conscious of this fact, I apologize (you may never again have a solo talk with someone without going fanatic midway). I’ve quibbled long over this and the matter is still up for debates.

2 ) If Jesus died and rose back from the death, all immortal and invulnerable, doesn’t that make him a zombie?

Dictionary.com defines a “zombie” as ‘a dead body that has been brought back to life by a supernatural force’. Sounds like Jesus to me! I’m not asking you to shoot his head off, mutilate him or send Alice after his sorry ass….. I’m only suggesting that it ain’t such a bad idea! 😉

3 ) Why do so many guys with superpowers crib about wanting to be “normal”?!?!

Bunch of ungrateful deadbeat no-gooders! If I had super strength, a 6th sense, an uncanny knack of growing 6-pack abs overnight and the liberty to proudly swing across the city in tights, bad grades would be the least of my worries.

4 ) Why can’t we ever get the time at the first glance at our watch?

Is it only me or does everyone suffer from this sort of acute attention disorder? I glance at my watch, look up, wonder what the time is…. NO IDEA!
It may have something to do with the fact that I’m just trying to show the girl across the bench that I am busy and looking forward to something important, but surely grasping the time from a digital watch cannot be that tough?!

5 ) Does looking at a kid and thinking “She’s gonna be hot when she grows up..” count as pedophilia?

Umm… I rather not elaborate on this for fear of incarceration.

6 ) If you understood Morse code, wouldn’t tap dancers drive you nuts?

I don’t know about you but I’m pretty sure I’d be all “AAARRGGHHH!!!! I don’t get what you’re saying!!” Its gotta be either tap dancers or Morse code. You can’t have both in your life and stay a sane man.

7 ) Why is it possible for girls to act like boys and look cool but never vice versa?

In that context, why is it alright when girls dance together, hold hands or perform any activity that would be even unthinkable for boys, for fear of being tagged homosexual in a very no-kidding-you’re-a-fag kind of way? I long to see the day when girls would ask guys out as often as it happens the other way around, and guys could wear pink without being judged. That’s right, I’m a sucker for equality!

8 ) How come the expression “slim chance” means the same as “fat chance”?

This silly language has people going berserk! You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible!! AAARRGGHHHH!

9 ) Of the people who watched Donnie Darko, can anyone honestly say that he/she knows what the fuck happened?!

Come on, be honest! You can seriously make sense of all that? And don’t you dare go all “artsy” on me! I understand that the movie isn’t for everybody. But it shocks me that every other action-flick-addicted-booty-loving-idiot tells me what an awesome movie it is. Surely, my artistic quotient can’t be THAT low!

10) Why is the cockpit called so?

Don’t want to get into the specifics since the question is kind of self explanatory… but interesting food for thought. Maybe it’s because that’s where all the action is! Or is it that only guys hang out in that area of the plane?

Let me know what you think.

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat that doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me,
And I shall spend my pension
on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals,
and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired,
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells,
And run my stick along the public railings,
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people’s gardens,
And learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat,
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go,
Or only bread and pickle for a week,
And hoard pens and pencils and beer mats
and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry,
And pay our rent and not swear in the street,
And set a good example for the children.
We will have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me
are not too shocked and surprised,
When suddenly I am old
and start to wear purple!

(‘Warning’ by Jenny Joseph)

I encounter, a little too often, people who wish to remain young forever. Those who wish to live the “best” part of their lives forever and ever. But how can something stay valuable if it’s available in such abundance? Isn’t it the very fact that the best is available in bits and pieces that makes it so precious? Surely there’s something that the lunatic inside you fancies.

I don’t have any qualms about aging. But what freaks me out is growing up.

I have been told by many, on a number of occasions, that I often act immature/crazy/childish/stupid/juvenile. Some have been in a positive light but most….well, not so positive. Others may perceive this in their own way, but I honestly consider this a compliment. Can you imagine not being able to enjoy the little things in life? The slapstick humour you throw around to keep the mood light and goofy? Or the crazy idiotic things you go through to get that satisfied grin on your face!

That's what I'm talking about!

Shaving my chest hair to form an “F” (a hairy one) and flaunt it, getting drunk and swimming in the college pool at 3 in the morning, sporting a new “radical” look, borrowing the carpenter’s power drill for a little “me-time”, screaming in a church, painting/scribbling random thoughts on your clean wall, walking 6-7 km back home as a result of lethargy to hitch a cab, playing superhero in my head while waiting for an interview, driving an hour to the airport with friends at 3 A.M to find the only open coffee place around with a good ambiance, getting caught in college with a stash of booze and bribing the authorities with the same booze, standing by your friends when your chances of saving a black eye looks really bleak, breaking a brand new guitar to know how it feels to be a rockstar & so on & so forth……..

Umm...Trendy makeover?

Hallowed be thy name, BIATCH!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My friends say that we’ll look back at our endeavours many years down the line and think of the old times. But that’s not nearly good enough! I say we should look back at them and try to top them! Granted, we may not be capable of similar feats then, but I wish I could be foolish enough to try.

Is it so wrong to want to be incarcerated just for the sake of experience? Or to walk up to a stranger on the street and tell them how lovely they look? I intend no malice. I only wish to enjoy the one shot I have at life. When was the last time you pulled off some random shit just for the heck of it? A prank call, a run in the rain, a bite of something inedible, whatever… Don’t take life, or yourself, too seriously. Shit happens. Deal with it. Move on. More shit will happen.

You don't say!